Don’t believe everything you think

When you believe something all evidence points to the truth of your point of view. To get people to change their beliefs is very difficult.

When we watch films we “suspend our disbelief.” We don’t sit in the dark theater watching a thriller, animation, or even romantic comedy saying, “That is not possible.” If the movie is engaging we sit back with our $4 popcorn and $3 soda and watch the story unfold. We identify with the characters and are engaged in their plight whether they are a dancing toaster, a super hero, or a mafia don.

So, one technique for getting people to change their belief is to ask them to “suspend their belief” just for a short time, an hour or two, and then have them write down the facts, preferable on manipulabile, like different shaped blocks, and then reconstruct the evidence to prove a different point of view or belief.

It’s probably best to start with something they don’t have a big stake in and then recreate the exercise with something they do have a big stake in. For instance, if you are going to try and have pro-Israeli Jews try understand the Palestinian position or visa-versa, the invasion of Lebanon might not be the best place to start. It’s too raw.

Anyway, at some point, the light bulb has to want to change, so this is best done with people who are serious about solving a particular problem, need to change their attitude, perspective or belief.

This exercise may not make them change a person change their behavior right away but it will often cause them to consider another position. Some ignored the process and continued down their usual path ignoring any deep lessons. The students who gained the most from this process often became quite angry with me as they began to question their beliefs.

As they began to expand their view and expectations about a subject, it caused them to question other areas of their lives and caused a cognitive dissonance and discomfort. The solution they originally had intended suddenly became more complex, more risky, and in all ways, more challenging. Gone was the comfort of the familiar. Suddenly, I had made their task and their life more difficult. Worst of all, I did not provide answers to their questions, but instead, helped them on their path of finding their own solutions.

Over time, as they began to construct something positive in the new paradigm, they sometimes experienced a catharsis and found it life changing. The groups of students who went through it together formed deep bonds that spanned traditional demographic boundaries that normally kept them distant.

One student describes it as: “At school and at work, I looked for new ways to approach problems and solutions… I wanted to view situations from different perspectives…. I am now always looking in different directions and accepting different views.”

You can go to the same stream but you can never walk in the same stream water twice

Yesterday, I walked from the Powel Street Bart Station in San Francisco to 5th and Townsend at 5:30 in the afternoon. I grew up in San Francisco and had walked those same streets many times, but the flavor of the city has changed. It’s younger and cleaner–the contrasts more striking. Black men in their 30’s selling drugs on the corner of the alleys, highly educated young white men working from home out to walk their dogs in long baggy cut offs promoting their calf tattoos, Central America men congregating under the freeway, and a twenty sophisticated black woman in moonstone earrings and I walking towards the train station.

I arrived at Betsy Borough’s Future Catalyst Brainstorming Salon, a monthly event where people mingle and share hors d’oeuvres and wine and post ideas for brainstorming that others respond to. Once inside the memory of the walk vanishes. I’m in a world of accomplished professionals with a social conscious. My thoughts turn to brainstorming. I’m engrossed in a world of new ideas.

On the BART ride home an elderly man walks through the train stinking with his hat in his hand saying, “Help me” “Please help me”. Like all the other passengers I pretend not to notice. I’m too busy writing in my notebook, plus, I can’t stand the idea of fumbling through my purse, finding my wallet and pulling out money on the crowded BART train. It makes me feel to vulnerable. He stops next to me and again says, “Please help me.” The man in front of me turns and glares at me as if to say, “Don’t even think about giving him money.” I am consumed with guilt and at the same time the pressure to conform and pretend it is not happening. The woman behind breaks the unbearable guilt and tension. She says, “I’ll help you. I’ll pray for you.” He leaves defeated and moves on to the next train.

As I add fare to my ticket at the other end two teen age girls ask for fifty cents to get out of the station. I hand two quarters I find in my open change purse, the trying to reconcile my feelings. I still feel bad for not helping the old stinky man. Lost in my thought and the darkness on the way to my car a young Central American woman pushing two large rolling suitcases and laundry bag startles me. In the saddest most vulnerable voice she and asks for money. I say, “sorry” and walk on. Again, I feel bad.

I think next time I attend Betsy’s salon, I’ll keep a few dollars in my coat pocket to help the needy and spend my blog time writing about the great contacts and breakthroughs I made while talking to people at the salon.